Hector's Week 3 Picks and Eliminator By Hector the Projector Second verse, same as the first. I guess it was fitting to have a rerun of the Week 1 results in Week 2. Our results for the season so far:
Week 2 (No spread): 10-6; Season-to-date: 20-12 But now the Emmys have all been handed out and "Evil" Dick Donato has been crowned the winner of "Big Brother 8". That means it is time for the new television season to begin. And as such, it is time for us to set the sights of the Hecto-tron DA-42 higher than ever. We've fine-tuned and tweaked our formulas. We've tightened all the screws and vacuumed the motherboard. We've even had some focus groups and reworked the entire pigskin prognostication program based on their feedback. Now let's pull back the curtain and unveil our Fall premiere picks for Week 3. Sunday, Sept. 23 Detroit at Philadelphia (-6 1/2) "Carpoolers": A bunch of guys who just happen to work together, but otherwise have little in common, decide to team up and share the responsibility of getting to the office on time and in one piece. Starring Donovan McNabb and his revolving band of receivers. There's no connection to be had there, and that's not a criticism of the quarterback, but on the lackluster hands he's been trying to throw to year after year, personnel changes be damned. While this show is pegged for early cancellation, it might garner enough numbers this week to stick around for a bit.
Eagles, 27-14. Miami at New York Jets (-3 1/2) "Cane": South Florida is the setting as the new regime takes over the reins of the business and tries to make do with the hand he has been dealt. After taking over for Nick Saban, Cam Cameron has had to right the ship that has sunk a lot of cash into the likes of Ricky Williams and Daunte Culpepper in recent years. Trent Green, Cameron's old friend, has not exactly been setting the league on fire, and we expect more of the same lackluster performance this week. Cam might prevail eventually, but it will be an uphill climb.
Jets, 20-13. Buffalo at New England (-15 1/2) "Reaper": A dark comedy about the Devil and his young, handsome protégé working his nefarious plans here on Earth. Tell me that isn't how much of the world sees Bill Belichick and Tom Brady these days. Say what you will about their tactics, the fact remains the Patriots win because they are talented. Stacked, even. A team like the Bills offers very little resistance to the New England juggernaut.
Patriots, 31-3. Arizona at Baltimore (-7 1/2) "Gossip Girl": A show about the beautiful people … the privileged and the pretty. Which beings us to Matt Leinart, who has not exactly been good looking on the field. Yet he is steadily growing in confidence. It might not be too long before he graces the cover of ESPN The Magazine as well as GQ. But the road will not be easy and Ray Lewis and the Ravens are sure to give him the requisite bumps and bruises causing a brooding Leinart to go into seclusion, before emerging stronger than ever by the end of the season.
Ravens, 30-24. St. Louis at Tampa Bay (-3 1/2) "Chuck": Young number-cruncher gets caught up in the world of espionage and intrigue. Scott Linehan stars as a young coach who is getting his first shot at running the show. He has been thrown into a world where nobody can be trusted, least of all the killer puppet that stalks the opposing sideline, Chucky. OK, this analogy isn't working as well as the others. Steven Jackson should get back on track and help save the day.
Rams, 33-21. San Francisco at Pittsburgh (-8 1/2) "The Bionic Woman": After a horrible accident, Jaime Sommers comes back better, faster and stronger. All right, except for the whole "woman" thing, it sure does sound like the perfect vehicle (pardon the pun) for Ben Roethlisberger. He's healthy and with the return of that health has come the return of the high-powered Steelers' passing game. Throw in a mix of Willie Parker, and for the love of all that is holy, get rid of those hideous throwback unis, and Pittsburgh should make even an improving Niners defense look like they're running in slow-motion.
Steelers, 40-14. Indianapolis at Houston (+5 1/2) "Big Shots:" A show about hating the guys at the top of the ladder. That's what Tony Dungy and Peyton Manning face now. They've grabbed the golden ring. Now they have to hold on to it as the rest of the world comes to snatch it away. The Texans are the latest team to make that effort and they are vastly improved with Matt Schaub at the controls … but it will take some time before Houston can beat the Big Shots. Soon, but not today.
Colts, 37-14. San Diego at Green Bay (+4 1/2) "Pushing Daisies": A single touch from our hero can bring the dead back to life. Brett Favre has been doing this for years, but never before has he been so alone in the effort. A completely invisible running game and a hobbled receiving corps are his only companions, yet the Packers are somehow managing to win. It's the magic of Favre's touch. I think he falls a bit short this week against the Chargers, but never completely discount the power of magic. It only takes one touch.
Chargers, 27-19. Minnesota at Kansas City (-2 1/2) "Journeyman": A man wakes up one day to discover he can travel back in time. Oh, to be Kelly Holcomb and Damon Huard, both hoping to lead their teams to victory. In 1996 this would have been a feel-good story. In 2007? Just sad. If Tarvaris Jackson is too banged up to play, we might just see this story play out. Maybe one of these two QBs will travel back in time and find the rust has disappeared from his throwing arm and his legs can carry him one step faster. Nah …too unbelievable to work.
Chiefs, 14-10. Cleveland at Oakland (-3 1/2) "Kid Nation": What happens when a town is formed without any adults around to make the rules? Sounds an awful lot like Raider Nation to me. Lane Kiffin is what, 12? And both these teams are waiting for their kids, JaMarcus Russell and Brady Quinn, to mature enough to take over the leadership roles. For now it's a battle between Derek "I've Got One Good Game Under My Belt" Anderson and Josh "Daunte is One Heartbeat Away" McCown. Browns in an ugly one.
Browns, 18-14. Jacksonville at Denver (-3 1/2) "Big Bang Theory": They're smart … maybe too smart for their own good. Jack Del Rio tried to show the world how smart he was by cutting Byron Leftwich at the last minute and going with David Garrard. So far, it would be generous to say the results have been mixed. Mike Shanahan's best move this year has been calling a timeout at precisely the right moment… a game-saving maneuver. Which super-genius will prevail? If the Jags can get the running game in gear, we say it's them.
Jaguars, 24-22. Cincinnati at Seattle (-3 1/2) "Private Practice": A young doctor packs up and leaves Seattle for the promise of a brighter future. It seems both Matt Hasselbeck and Shaun Alexander are trying to convince themselves they're not the main character in this tale, but the clock is ticking. The Seahawks just can't get over the hump, and maybe it is time for one of these stars to pack up and go. This week they face the same Bengals defense that got embarrassed against Cleveland. If they can't get it done now, time for a change of scenery.
Bengals, 28-24. New York Giants at Washington (-4 1/2) "Moonlight": A vampire private eye. 'Nuff said. Joe Gibbs is still alive and kicking. Probably drinks the blood of young undrafted free agents during training camp. Tom Coughlin is no spring chicken either, and if the Giants don't win this one, the wooden stake hanging over his heart like the sword of Damocles might turn him to dust. Since these two coaches both seem to have an infinite number of lives, we'll go with New York on this one.
Giants, 33-28. Carolina at Atlanta (+3 1/2) "Back to You": News anchor gets reunited with his old team after a long hiatus. Hello Mr. Morten Andersen, I believe you know where your locker is? He's old enough to be first-round pick Jamaal Anderson's grandfather. Yet here he is, back yet again to save the day. When a guy kicks a field goal the same length as his age, you're not usually impressed, but we will be. Sadly, though, we're going to go the tragic route and have Atlanta lose on a last-second 48-yard try.
Panthers, 21-19. Dallas at Chicago (-3 1/2) "Cavemen": Take a premise that works for 30 seconds and try to stretch it out for a half-hour. Sounds a lot like Lovie Smith's offense. Yes, Rex Grossman works for one play here and one play there as QB, but for a half? A whole game? A whole season? Not so much. And yet, some weeks it only takes that one play to win. We think this is one of those weeks.
Bears, 27-24. Monday, Sept. 24 Tennessee at New Orleans (-4 1/2) "K-Ville": We return to New Orleans after disastrous events. The Saints are indeed coming, and while the emotional impact of this year's home opener can't possibly match last year's, a return home will be just what the doctor ordered for Drew Brees and company. Expect the crowd to help buoy the offense and get them back on track.
Saints, 40-28.
Eliminator
It was a rough week for our Hecto-tron DA-42 in the ESPN Eliminator Challenge. We went 3-3, bringing our season total way down to 8-4. However, the good news is you only have to get one pick right to advance and stay alive for the top honors. We're going to take some chances this week, as we've already used up two of the stronger teams, as you have probably done too. Here's our Week 3 slate.
Gold Picks: Philadelphia, New Orleans Thanks for reading. We'll set our DVR, record it all, and see what we end up deleting from our memory. Good luck! |
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